Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Poetry Wednesday - This Be The Verse

This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.   
    They may not mean to, but they do.   
They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   
Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
    And don’t have any kids yourself.

by Phillip Larkin

Sunday, 12 March 2017

We've all got choices.....

Sometimes I have choices, on one hand, I want to wallow in self-pity, on the other, I want take control, even if I can only control my emotions.

Sometimes I feel that I have no choices at all. That isn't true, I've always got choices.

I find focussing on my goals is helpful. It gives me direction and something to aim for. What do I want? In life? Today,? At work?

And then what resources do I have? What allies?

I've given up on focussing on what I don't want to achieve, what I don't have, people who disract me.

This single mindedness isn't everybody's cup of tea, stripping away the emotions allows me to focus on what I want to get done. I realise that some people need (choose) to focus on the emotions (their emotional needs) as opposed to getting the thing done.

That's why I choose to associate with positive people, people who inspire me, challenge me or people who encourage me.

Emotional choice? Can someone choose how they feel? I believe so, yes.

We are made up of our beliefs and our values, things that we know to be true, the lessons that were taught to us in our formative years.

Our emotions stem from our beliefs and values. The situation, the circumstances, the people that we find ourselves in or surrounded by, all elicit an emotional response within us. What if we can reflect on our values and beliefs? What if we can reflect on our emotions and what prompts us to feel the way that we do?

What if we could then minimise the negative emotions? We then have more choices.

Sometimes, I lay in bed, not looking forward to the struggle before me (It was a lot worse in the early days of my recovery!!!!). I have a couple of choices in front of me. Stay in bed, get up and moan about everything and how hard everything is...... or gird my loins, stick a smile on my face and sing a song in my heart! Sometimes habits help me choose, I've taken to listening to my favourite music in my car on the way to work, instead the Today program on Radio 4, frankly, I'm at least 1% more cheerful when I get to the office. The clothes I wear, how many cars I flash to let them out I front of me, I smile and say "Good morning". They are all choices. Taken in the right mind-set to achieve what I want achieve today.

Sometimes I need to adopt a different mind-set, a different 'mask' if you like, different 'emotions', (or 'behaviours'.....) to get stuff done. Sometimes people don't like that, the behaviour, the perceived inauthenticity, the single-mindedness. And there's a danger, when you've put a mask on, can you take it off? Or have you forgotten the real you?

Thinking yourself into positive state will help you to achieve things. But it's hard. Achieving things is hard, otherwise everybody would achieving things everyday.

Can you be 1% more positive today than you were yesterday?

Sunday, 5 March 2017

It's just flu....... - part III

So, my aortic valve replacement, the aneurysm repair and the ensuing stroke. It could be worse, I could be dead or long disabled. And yet I feel resentful. I'm just frustrated with what I haven't got :-(  

 It's just the grieving process.

Me and Tracey have a fairly good life, we enjoy our lives where we can. When Tracey came home and it was clear that she was going to make a full recovery, I was determined to have a life filled with love and beauty. Not shallow, facile surface-deep beauty, but beauty that shines from within. Love that is constant and unconditional. Life is to short to have things in it that are neither beautiful or held together with love.

And I think that my uncompromising honesty and intolerance comes from, it looks a bit like being grumpy or curmudgeonly (Tracey thinks that I am grumpy and curmudgeonly.....) I try to adopt the "I'm OK, you're OK" state (life position) and it's hard to do maintain all of the time.

My recovery isn't over yet, I still want my hand to regain more sensation, I want to develop more strength in my affected leg. I want my energy to increase to a level that I can do everything that I want to do (realistically) and I want my speech to improve to the level that I can tell ghost stories to crowded pub.

If I can get half-way there, I'll be a happy man. And I know that some people who are reading this may think that I should think myself lucky and you're probably right.

The end

.......  for now......