Sunday, 5 March 2017

It's just flu....... - part III

So, my aortic valve replacement, the aneurysm repair and the ensuing stroke. It could be worse, I could be dead or long disabled. And yet I feel resentful. I'm just frustrated with what I haven't got :-(  

 It's just the grieving process.

Me and Tracey have a fairly good life, we enjoy our lives where we can. When Tracey came home and it was clear that she was going to make a full recovery, I was determined to have a life filled with love and beauty. Not shallow, facile surface-deep beauty, but beauty that shines from within. Love that is constant and unconditional. Life is to short to have things in it that are neither beautiful or held together with love.

And I think that my uncompromising honesty and intolerance comes from, it looks a bit like being grumpy or curmudgeonly (Tracey thinks that I am grumpy and curmudgeonly.....) I try to adopt the "I'm OK, you're OK" state (life position) and it's hard to do maintain all of the time.

My recovery isn't over yet, I still want my hand to regain more sensation, I want to develop more strength in my affected leg. I want my energy to increase to a level that I can do everything that I want to do (realistically) and I want my speech to improve to the level that I can tell ghost stories to crowded pub.

If I can get half-way there, I'll be a happy man. And I know that some people who are reading this may think that I should think myself lucky and you're probably right.

The end

.......  for now......

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